


Holding On

by Smileyisawesomeable



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Guilt, M/M, Tears, floor cuddles, slight depiction of character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 09:03:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18117614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smileyisawesomeable/pseuds/Smileyisawesomeable
Summary: Harry hold on to Louis after another tragedy.





	Holding On

Louis comes home the next Thursday afternoon. His feet drag through the door, yellow lamplight accentuating his sunken cheekbones, the aggressive contour of the bags under his eyes. 

Harry is suddenly drawn back to that time just two years ago, when Louis comes home defeated and so alone. His shoulders shaking and tear tracks dried onto his pallor, somber expression. 

It’s too soon to be doing this all over again, Harry thinks.

Louis, still in the doorway, suddenly sinks into himself, and Harry rushes to meet him on the floor of the Donny apartment. The only good thing about being famous, it seems to Harry, is that they have homes all around the world, this close to their families. 

There are no tears in Louis’ eyes today. After the last week of funeral preparations, family grieving, and caring for his young siblings, there just isn’t much left to give. Doris and Ernie slept in Felicite’s room the first four days, feeling an acute loss and sadness despite their young age. Just like when Mommy went away, they were much too sullen to cope. Louis had to drag them out of bed in the mornings, pull them into clothing, shove food into their young tummies, cart them to activities they would normally love. Last time, seeing the young twins so unconsolable had made the older brother cry for hours into Harry’s chest. But now, Harry just feels the silent, dry sniffles of a broken boy. 

Last time was inevitable, after years of fighting, Johanna had succumb to a peaceful slumber, with her family at her side. Louis got to say goodbye to her, to hear her last words and to see that last smile on her face. To lose his best friend was hard, to say the least, but at least he had comfort in knowing how she went. This time, Louis could only imagine the worst. He couldn’t remember the last thing he said to Fizzy, let alone knew what was coming. When he closed his eyes to sleep, Louis saw the young sister falling onto the ground, clutching at her chest through her shirt, begging for Louis to save her. This time, Louis wasn’t there. 

Harry tries his best to comfort Louis, as best as he can. There’s only so much a best friend can do after the world has constantly rained all over the parade of someone undeserving of such tragedy. Harry, instead of breaking down at the loss of his sister-in-law, just grips Louis tighter, pressing soft kisses into his hair. 

Pain like this can only be felt, Harry thinks. Still, this doesn’t stop him from feeling ridiculously indignant that the best person in the universe had to leave in such an awful way, and Harry’s favorite person had to pick up the pieces, not only once, but twice, three times, a billion times, every day. Harry saw the pain permeate Louis’ veins through the last two years, the hurt only recently beginning to lift as he went to the recording studios and performed, falling in love with music all over again. Just for the world to crash down on the boy again. 

Louis, while dry heaving in tears against Harry’s side, gets a tinge of annoyance that he just had to share with the only warmness in his life. “I thought my superhero origin story was the X-Factor,” he says in complete honesty. 

Harry lets out a snorting laugh. It’s true, the X-Factor was complete hell for the both of them. Hiding their growing affections from the word and being told their only worth was their sex appeal was just as formative as it was awful. Enough pain for a lifetime. But then their best friend left them, the woman who accepted Louis for all his fabulous flaws died, and ever-strong, ever-confident Louis fell apart. For some cosmic entity to play around with Louis’ heart again was just cruel. Especially at the expense of a otherworldly person.

Felicite was the first person to accept Harry and Louis. At X-Factor auditions, Louis went into the bathroom hyperventilating with her on the phone, right as he fell into a stranger’s piss. “Oops,” said the curly-haired clutz. “Hi,” said the flamboyant fringe. “Tell me all about this later,” said the young sister as she hung up the phone, while Louis gawked at the beautiful boy whose pee he just tripped on. Fizzy told Louis later, during bootcamp, that she wanted Louis to marry Harry because only one person in life makes you fall head over heels. Louis was lucky enough to have it happen literally.

Both Louis and Harry, still curled together on the floor of their shared home, reminisce about the times Felicite encouraged them. Johanna was a dreamer, which she passed onto Lottie. Daisy and Phoebe were still too young to offer anything but interesting observations about life. But Fizzy was a realist. She was honest to a fault, and sassy, especially to paps. When Louis wanted to be pumped up, he went to his mother or the other girls, but when he wanted a dose of reality, Felicite was there to remind him just how special, or not-so-special, he really was. In fights, Fizzy was the first to call up Harry and tell him just how dumb he was being and convince him to make up with Louis. 

Still, Felicite was always excited about possibilities. Just because she saw things without clouded judgement, didn’t mean that she couldn’t see how amazing the world could be. Fizzy was the one to convince her brother to try for the X-Factor. “A whale is just as big in a swimming pool as it is in an ocean, Louis,” she sighed. Fizzy was just as quick to defend her brother online and to her friends, too. Any time a pap said a negative comment, Felicite was jumping down their throat because her big brother was the best thing since sliced bread. And nobody was ever able to convince her otherwise. 

Harry takes notice of Louis’ slowly subsiding dry sobs as he reminisces about his sister, slowly pulling the older boy onto his feet, dragging the two across the flat, into their shared bedroom, setting Louis down on the bed. He walks into the closet for a fraction of a second, not wanting to leave the mourning boy alone any longer than he has to, coming out with dark grey sweatpants too big for Louis’ nimble frame, and Harry’s favorite sweater, from Randy’s Donuts. 

When Harry comes back, Louis is in the same spot as before, looking at the time- or, more likely, the screensaver of his family- on his phone. He gingerly grasps the phone from his boyfriend’s hands, pulling him up and urging him to stand. Then, the taller boy pushed down Louis’ jeans and pants, having him pick up his feet to slide the clothes completely off. Then, Harry grabs the hem of Louis’ shirt, gesturing for the older boy to raise his arms, and slips the shirt up and over his head. As soon as the old clothes come off, new ones take their place. Louis seems much more comfortable swimming in the comforting scent of Harry, even after all this time. 

Harry notices the relief across Louis’ face as he tucks the older boy into shared covers and turns off the lights in the room. Before he lays down with his boy, Harry hastily plugs Louis’ phone into the charger and checks to make sure the ringer is on loud enough for Harry to hear, but low enough for Louis to sleep through.

He needs the rest, Harry thinks.

Then, Harry shuffles down under the covers and grabs Louis, placing the pliant boy against his chest. He reaches into the large sweatshirt, placing warm hands onto a soft back, holding the smaller boy there. Harry hears sniffles, then feels his right cheek and curls slightly dampen. The younger boy squeezes Louis slightly tighter to him, rubbing soft hands up and down his back. He decides to hum any song he can to hopefully distract Louis from all the pain. 

Finally, after what feels like hours, and many painful run-throughs of Sign of the Times, Harry feels Louis’ body start to relax into his grasp and hears the sniffles finally stop as the small boy drifts into what seems to be a deep sleep. 

Just like last time, Harry doesn’t stop holding him. Even when he wakes up with tears in his eyes and morning breath, when he has to speak at Felicite’s funeral the next day, when Louis gets back on stage for the first time since Fizzy’s death. Harry has to be strong for the two of them, and he does by holding on.


End file.
